Hip-Hop Helps Me Mentally. Therefore I Have To Stop Caring What Y’all Think Of Me.

Todays blog will be a little different. I appreciate a lot about the hip-hop community. But I am not competitive and don’t want to act like I am. I started making my music not knowing where it would take me. It wasn’t just a hobby though. It was another form of therapy. I will take the time to explain why. If you’re against deep thought, please dismiss yourselves. In 2008 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. While in the midst of my second to last nervous breakdown. After taking the time to look at the risk factors that can make this diagnosis possible, I screamed to myself “What took them so damn long?” Let’s define BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition that impacts the way you see yourself and others. It can be difficult to function in everyday life. It causes intense mood swings and issues with self image. It impacts interpersonal relationships. Mainly due to feeling unheard and rejected. And it all stems from abandonment and abuse. But getting the correct diagnosis was only the first step to my road to healing. I had to relearn everything just to be able to handle my life and thoughts. All while already being a mother. That is the hardest part. If I wanted my kids to be able to regulate themselves, I had to learn to do that too. Imagine that?! Also imagine having self image issues while aging and what you see in the mirror constantly changing. I will always make fun of my deviated eye before you get the chance to. That is just one example of how I handle rejection that I think I will receive. See we don’t only have issues from what we experienced in the past. We are also protecting ourselves from the possibility of rejection happening in the present and future. One thing I also noticed was my propensity to shut down and stop communicating with people because of what I perceived as rejection. How I dealt with that was writing. Writing poetry, song lyrics, articles and now blogs. I write because that is my way to get things out. But because of my love for hip-hop I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and be a part of this community. I am grateful for those that helped me with that. Because of hip-hop I have been able to process things that I actively avoided until my 30s. It helped me not feel as alone as I used to be feel. It gave other people going through similar situations a message to not give up. And that alone is the reason I do this and seek to create a community of artists who create as a form of healing. But nothing worthwhile can be accomplished alone. And I realize it will take time. So although I have been a bit quiet lately; I am not fucking done yet. I’m just in hermit mode. However I will end this how I normally do. MUSIC!!!!!! This first one is by me. It’s titled I Am The Omega. I will tell you exactly why I wrote it. I used to be a teaching artist for the Clemmons Family Farm. Because they didn’t want me connected to my own stage name (which is actually my real name) they demanded I create a new persona that would be easier to digest. As a way of doing that respectability politics crap. My thing is no black owned business should ever ask a black person to strip themselves of their own name to continue receiving white dollars. It shows people have not learned from history. Because a lot of slaves lost their name coming to this country. I won’t do it for you. I already got an identity crisis due to mental illness. So with that in mind, I bring you I Am The Omega. This next one is coming from Robscure. It’s titled Rinse n Repeat. I am digging the vibe. I kinda need it right now. Thank you for your contribution. Here’s the link: I’m feeling this. Thank you. Check it out for yourselves. Give a like and subscribe. I was going to try to find another video. But after looking this over, I think you have enough content to read and listen to. To my supporters, keep creating shit so you have no time for hating shit. To my haters; I don’t care what you do. I wish you all peace love and hip-hop. I’m out!